Do all brides dream of the Cinderella wedding?
Most of the literature on weddings and heteronormativity speaks to the fact that traditional weddings are powerful influences that perpetuate the “heterosexual imaginary.” However, especially among same-sex couples, it suggests openings for couples to resist the pressure to conform to conventional wedding traditions. The authors of this study are interested in these openings and consequently how brides choose to either refuse or accept prevailing wedding rituals.
Fetner and Heath (2016) analyzed 47 in-depth interviews with both heterosexual and same-sex couples in Canada where same-sex marriage has been legal since 2003. Twenty-seven straight women and nineteen lesbian women who recently married and who participated in a wedding ceremony were interviewed. They found that most straight participants conformed to traditional wedding rituals, but most lesbian participants did not.
The different approaches to weddings were inductively grouped into four categories according to the patterns of responses that emerged from the data. Non-reflexive adopters wholeheartedly and consciously embraced all the accoutrements of conventional weddings including a white gown, an expensive ring, an extravagant cake, an expensive honeymoon, etc. Acquiescent adopters reluctantly went along with the ceremony due to pressure from family and friends. Same-sex resisters grappled critically with the cultural norms that traditional weddings reinforce and sought to distance their ceremonies from these norms. Finally, frugal resisters dismissed the consumerism inherent in conventional weddings, labeling them as wasteful and costly.
Fetner and Heath’s (2016) findings confirm both the power and limits of the lavish “white wedding” to perpetuate heteronormativity, religion, and consumerism. Although some couples resisted conventional ceremonies, they nevertheless used heterosexual marriage as a point of reference as the unquestioned standard or as a constraining structure that they must negotiate or reject. While most of the same-sex couples planned unique ceremonies that did not follow traditional norms, the authors were surprised to find that, among straight couples, the resistance to excessive extravagance and consumerism played an important part in them rejecting traditional weddings. The latent effect of embracing a more frugal, practical approach to getting married provides an opening for brides to upset the traditional white wedding script.
Fetner, Tina and Melanie Heath. 2016. “Do Same-sex and Straight Weddings Aspire to the Fairytale? Women’s Conformity and Resistance to Traditional Weddings.” Sociological Perspectives 59(4):721–42.